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Thursday, July 31, 2008

it sucks,

it sucks being me sometimes.

but i love me for me.


people sometimes make the silliest things in life don't they?

these are what friends do to me. they are my extacy. they make me laugh and makes me want to confess everything, they are what drives me to do things.to stay in this course.

ms marilyn just now asked, ' nas why so quiet?'

hehe like she know only something wrong.

something is wrong, but i was concentrating like crazy. ok maybe being sad, and confused at that time made me more into my work.

abang irsyad( if i spelt it right) kept disturbing me. lols he seriously got nothing to do.

khalis and gaga created a guitar. finding materials from everyone in class.

anthony went to a match.

ronn and amos went kaput and missed a class.

that was what happened.

nasuha you really need to sing out loud.

sometimes friends are the centre of my focus. they look clear when what is not.

there is a crazy thing called love in here.



Tuesday, July 29, 2008
i'm not regretting

hello, it has certainly been awhile.

see a formal greeting! lols, so not me.

thank god for my friends. thank god for all my new friends.

i see that yum had tagged my board. darn it for trying not to make my blog invisible. but i don't believe in making it private.

(if not what are secret diaries for?)

okay so the question one of my friend asked me, "if you could change time, would you?".

tht is one question i will always have no clue. but i know i won't change a thing. because everything has its own place and time. even certain events that you hate the most. it's not about regret, it is about accepting the reality.

having the talk just now, the confession, was worth it. just one thing i ask myself now....

"am i what i am right now?or am i in the wrong section?"

if you get my drift. i'm-half-boy-half-girl.(by personality anyway)

this is to all wangsa people whom reads my blog if have any...thank you for making me feel welcomed in the world of malay dancing. i have no background in malay.d but you guys make my trips as a reserve worth coming for.i used to hate malay.d. but knowing you guys, has made me think twice. i loved the dance, i loved being a reserve, i got to watch you guys perform most times. a job well done for you guys. for heritage, i've been to most of the rehersals, and even if there was the screw ups on the day itself, i think you guys were great, i'll probably not regret my stay in SSP.

Sunday, July 27, 2008

"i'm a girl inside out..."or so she said.
i've got a lot of projects to finish, what a bore and what a rush....

its tiring already being in poly life, with all the projects and the common food!!!

okay so common food= to $2 nasi ayam

hehe, well happenings was the SSP clap zapin wangsa performance at khatib, and the heritage fest drama. which happened on the same day. but just different timings.

i feel missing, and lost, and somewhat second to you.

okay so that was how i felt when i was in a week of depression.

then i met syarf, oh how i missed her so much, talking to her was like talking to a therapeutic buddy. i miss erny too, so bubbly tht girl...

i let it all out. but sadly there wasn't enough time for me to talk....i wished the day was longer.

okay since i'm gonna say this out, might as well write it too, in case i don't feel like saying it anymore. erny i know u will be reading this too. smiles*

maybe this is not what love is, to let lose yourself and embrace the other.

this might sound unfathomable and hard to understand, but to me, tht is what happens.

you lose yourself, into the other but at the same time you try to embrace him, not all of him because we are blind, we only embrace what is good, but we do not see the bad....

tht is what i've gone through. nope not attached or the commitment because there wasn't any, but it felt wrong, betrayal and empty, knowing what i know.

it doesn't end there, it didn't help much of all the known people in my life, that they were the ones to pull me down. times i felt the happiest in my life came to this low in just a matter of seconds.

it's just a matter of time till i burst, but fret not, i wont show what my anger is capable of. for it is not worth my wasted seconds to die angry.

i'm not one to say it out loud, but i do write it out. express it in the form of art. anything but real words...

but now i've come to really see that maybe for once, i should let lose and say it out.

it's so much easier to be what i am than what i cannot. because i wasn't made that way, i am what i am beacause i never once was you...

i am neither pretty nor smart by nature.

i still am not. but god loves me the way i am, because he has a path for me already set, just waiting for me to choose the right path.

for we are strong and i am strong.

take it easy nas, you just need to dance it out.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

what the helkjhgfdesw..-098765432.;lkjh.gfds../,mnbvcx.oiuytrewq.

tht one erin nothing to do but disturb me....

v v
hnv mnv mnbv mv ,jhvj

heehee!!!!! << erin

see what i mean...lol...nothing to do.....

same as me


sdnwjekfndjkzxfbjbcfciffadmsakfcnekcncsfwsazncdsnnenel lajd sjkdc

kau adernenekmoyangtapi takdelagidong.

Saturday, July 12, 2008

are you hot tAAAEEt not!!!

lol...i've not been blogging lately. why, i dunno.
lol, but i'll be blogging at least, maybe once a week.

if not its more.

i had a blast at sentosa today. why, because i have fun people around me...

i love ssp to the loads!!!

lately i've been hanging out with the ssp people, ok maybe a smaller roup than the ssp people, but same same all the way....

arif, aidil, iffa, nad, and me addition of farhana the giler girl!!!!

we live so near each other of course we lepak man.
first lepak at yishun. then next day, at woodlands but i left halfway.

they made me melatar, or speak gibberish when in shock, and stole my beloved bear countless times. but never was i angry, with them, they make my days in SP very fun and relaxed.

what bothers me is that we always return home late. late as in 10.30 pm. if i could, i would sleep in school.

now i'm waiting for pictures to arrive and in going to steal them.
who i like now is no question, because it might just be over.

Sunday, July 06, 2008

i feel like quiting, feel so deflated.
how? i don't know. whats the verdict?i guess so.

well update a little bit of my life now. thankful for the opportunity to live this long. must not waste it by mourning. but cn't help but feel a little low on endorphines.

well, yesterday went to print primer, turned out quite well, but i not sure we cn make it much. still need to do my reflection. about how i found the primer.

then we went to do oc. but internet connection sucked and we started discussing only at 4++.
but saw what the rest did, and i have to review mine tonight. include more objects.

headed to city hall after that. i kind of like knew not many ppl would come for the SSp outing . because MST's are almost over or is over. what the hey! many ppl falling sick. in the end met saiful, nana, athirah, and farhan(athirah's bf). they went LJS eat, then went arcade. Saipol and nana played, the rest joked around. Athirah siam-ed away my bullet. ahaha. like matrix.

the we went home because of the pre national day rush.

saiful was getting on my nerves. kept fighting with him all the way since we met him at city hall mrt. ARGHH...gave me a name which is now stuck like glue. lols. but nvm, since he's my friend also, and persuing one of my friends, i'll refrain from punching him squarely on the jaw.

one last thing.....


i feel down again, but ranting it out helped.
Iman. a name i like.

Saturday, July 05, 2008
crawling out to see the sun.

i'm crawling into the deep, that is what i told myself. silly me. well, at least now i know that i don't have to use a torchlight beecause my night vision is becoming superb. i laughed to myself. how silly. at least that is what i told myself.

it starts to come brighter, well, i'm a cat with superb night vision. silly me. at least that is what i told myself.

actually, i'm now out in the sun. silly me.


that was so random wasn't it? hahs. im just dying of boredom and the mighty stressness. hehe by default, i'm sad. okay iffa, i've technically forgotten about it. but well what the hey, being just friends is okay with me.

being near is as close as it gets.

Thursday, July 03, 2008
bawling my eyes out.

maybe i'm running away, maybe i'm afraid.
i can't stand how life has changed.
for i am now, thinking with my head, to protect the ones i love instead.
how can one be so selfless, to his own

i'm afraid to cry, i'm afraid to laugh,
god help me now, take me, engulf.
take me as a whole, for i broke this.
using my heart was hard,
but using my head is harder instead.

maybe if i had some courage, to take something else in my own hands, will i be different?

as i speak to you i shed my tears, for i didn't hold back to the blur...
as eyes that lie, have many secrets to tell,
i cnt break your heart when it is already broken,
but not make it worse i can...
for this day is the saddest day,i could ever imagine
for what reasons i may not tell.
but god help me, i'm lost in my thoughts.
He'll shed light one day.
i'll be good, and i'll wait.
can i speak this train of thoughts to you, because the playhouse has been broken in two. i had tried to put it back with superglue, but what else can i do?
i'll just staple it onto you.

this heart in two.
dont worry, i'm fine now.
trust me,

Wednesday, July 02, 2008
runaway now, chu know watcha did chu know

do you see what i see?
hold on to the words to say
you know what you did you know.

tell me what i want to hear
when all the world has changed,
you know what you did you know

oh oh,

come on lets (run)
get away(run)
let's go!
as fast as i can
to run away from change,
let's go, run away!
from change...

tell me what i want to see,
cause all the world has changed
you know what you did you know.

Tuesday, July 01, 2008
365 days

actually, i don't really like the word "emo", because...

1. it is not a proper word.
2. there is no such thing
3. i think it is very vague when you say your feeling "emo"

i 'm wondering why i am writing this post myself. i feel so down, and sensitive.
i don't know. but girls can always blame things on PMS. there's 3 of them so why cnt we have PMS all year round?

i did try to make myself happy, but i don't feel it.
i almost cried 4 times just now and i hated the feeling.
i felt so vulnerable.

it might be because of my purple hair.
or it might be because of Saiful giving iffa the sweet poem.
or it might be the couplings in the class(so sweet)

cassie is still stressed, so am i. i'm sorry girl that i cnt be there for you always.
lose yourself in what you like to do most and you'll be rewarded with happiness.
i'm thinking, hard.
what makes me a happy person?