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Sunday, November 09, 2008
this feeling

dear reader's( 1 and counting)



you know, when i first set up this blog, i felt that i would not keep it long enough to even last for years. then i realised that i have been faithful to this blog, not letting it wither like some unforsaken flower. i realised that all my post's have changed. changed form the worst vocabulary and shortest post of my ever boring life, to the not so good but improving post's that i have published. right now i'm thinking should i make this a draft instead of a post. but i will not. because i might not have enough courage to do this a next time.yes, i am a coward.and i admit it.


but right now...
i think back. seeing this blog, i feel an overwhelming sense of sadness and self pity. maybe it's not just me anymore. i keep spacing out. distracted. i hate coming back to this blog knowing that it's sad news i will hear. i can't continue like this. i don't need any of this right now. if me being like this scares you then help me. if it doesnt scare you, you know i will get over this phase in life. but don't act like i'm different, because i am insecure. you think i'm different with you, but i'm not and never will be. but that look you give me, is all that i need to assure myself that you think i am. the way you talk to me the way you just stare. i will be okay when everyone's okay. don't make me cry again because i will. i have said already too many times, that i've already cried too many times to even think properly, i use my heart instead of my head. but that's just me. i'm unreadable. but once my secret is out, i'll use it against me.

i'm not hitting anyone right now.
i just hate coming back to this blog.