Nas goes off to lalaland

Saturday, April 12, 2008

I have something to let go from my chest but I hope this is where my peace come to a start… I don’t want to live in the world full of hatred and full of misunderstandings. I hope if hao fong reads this it was because of his wonderful book title that he lent me (although he never read it finished).
#1: I HATE GOING HOME
Why? It’s because of my mother’s attitude that bugs me, but recently I don’t care anymore. She has favouritism in the family and apparently I’m not the perfect child for her. I can honestly tell you that, my sister knows that my mother only calls me, never to ask good things or just how am I today… I know she does care, cause she’s my mother! Duh… she call me frequently just to do errands and scolds me for being on the computer (my lappy) for very long…errands I do, when all of my other siblings are nearer to her. “SUHA! JEMUR THE KAIN!! SUHA! LIPAT THE KAIN!”(translation: SUHA! HANG THE CLOTHES! SUHA FOLD THE CLOTHES!!!”)
Then when she’s not satisfied, she will take it out on me, telling me that I’m useless in the house and I only know how to stay in front of the computer only, and only make people life worser cos I don’t do the job well.
This is why I hate going home, I hate going home to only just be nagged at to do the household chores when I do the job right and complain silently.
# 2: PSYCOLOGICALLY DRAINING ME
I hate it when my mom buys me mens M size when I wear a mens s or a womens L sized clothes…its too big for me and I don’t wear them…. I love my sister to death for trying to tell my mom that I’m not that fat anymore, I’m now slimmer than I was a year back…but she just shrugs it off like I meant nothing… what bothers me is that she doesn’t understand me enough. She doesn’t know my dress sense because she doesn’t know me. The last tiff I had with her was when I felt she was lying to my teacher that she told me that I could do better…. I cried in front of my teacher and walked away halfway through the convo, cos it was too much to handle. I had a major tiff and it lasted for more than 3 days before we were trems with each other, but she never once said I’m sorry to me, she NEVER said that word. I said sorry and her reply was, Oh it’s okay!….I WAS SUPER FREAKING PISSED THAT I WAS GOING TO TELL HER to *toot off her sorry ass and freaking apologise to me!

#3 NOW I UNDERSTAND WHY GIRLS HAVE PRESSURE AND THEY HAVE LOW SELF ESTEEM

#4 PUT ME OUT OF MY MISERY PLEASE COS I’VE BEEN FALLING DOWN THIS RABBIT HOLE, ITS DARK IN HERE AND I WISH I HAD MY CANDLE WITH ME.
The last one #4 was the turning point I saw in the book hao fong lent me for a while, it was to understand who I was, and why I was here…I know it’s a christian book but it mAKES sense….
I believe God made me stay in here for a reason right? He’s the one I need to please and if I’m happy, He too is happy for me. I love Him to bits and I’m sure he loves me too. I love my mother, but I just can’t seem to make her understand me, she snoops and spies and does all things teens hate, she was once a teen too and of course she wld want her privacy too right? I don’t mind her snooping but, BUZZ OFF!!!!
I’ve let out steam but this isn’t the end….cos I know, its only halfway through the starting line….

nasuhaa


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